Serving no master

The best way to explain some of my beliefs and the journey I've gone through to get to where I am... this was partway through that journey, two summers ago:

            There is a saying that in life, no man can serve two masters, and even my horoscope today said that while it's possible, it ain't easy.  And frankly, I'm tired of trying.  Why do I have to serve anyone but my fellow man when it comes to what I believe? 

            Let's back up.  Last night, I heard a story about a young woman who got up and walked out of a Baptist service when the jackass of a preacher decided to pointedly condemn homosexuality directly toward a gay relative of hers.  Who was there.  Right next to her.  I'd have done more than walk out, but I'm something of a hot head, so hey...

            The problem was that afterwards, there were people who, in an effort to blow off steam and raise her spirits, took part in some good natured anti Christian jokes.  And it wasn't the first time I'd felt disgusted to still follow Christian teachings, but it was the first time in quite a while. 

            Reference my earlier point about being a hot head and add that I wasn't the only Christopagan in the group...

            I don't really know how to feel, as I just told someone, except like the kid with a black mom and a white dad who doesn't fit in anywhere.  I've gotten the 'can't serve two masters' speech, and it doesn't help at all.  I cannot and will not choose between two halves of my heart.  I love this group of friends and I feel horrible about how some people who call themselves Christians have treated them in the past.  I wonder how it feels to be them and sometimes wonder if it would be easier than being admonished to stop sitting on a fence.  Probably not. 

            There is no fence. 

            The word pagan by definition means not Christian, so even Christopagan is like jumbo shrimp.  But it wouldn't be the first time I'd appeared to contradict myself.  The point is, under normal circumstances, I don't mind defying explanation; it's kind of fun.  It starts conversations.  I just wish it didn't have to start fights. 

            I love the church I am a part of.  Especially the choir that my job keeps me from now, and I miss them.  I also adore the coven that has welcomed me.  Both groups teach me, support me, and let me feel whole again when stress of one kind or another threatens to rip me to shreds.  Both help me express myself and the non-cerebral, free side of my personality which can tend to get squashed sometimes.  Yay. 

            But what does it mean that I feel at home in two circles which have traditionally not gotten along?  It means I am me, and I have to learn again that not everyone will agree with me (amazing how hard that can be), and that I can still be friends with anyone who is Christian, Pagan, Jewish, Taoist, Muslim, Atheist, or anyone else who chooses not to be labeled.  Labels suck anyway...

            Carrie, that preacher deserved what he got, and I am proud of you for not going off on him like I probably would have.  Stephan, perhaps I needed to taste what's been force fed to all of you for so long, to see that it isn't easy for those who can't 'go be the other half' to make peace.  And Robbyn, thanks for the slap upside the head.  That's what family is for. 

            Friday was great.  Bring on Sunday.  Time to be whole again, hopefully.