When autumn comes

When surrounded by snow, sometimes it helps to remember another time of year and the attitudes that go with it:

            Autumn is a healing time for me. 

            Theoretically speaking, it’s a time when the earth is dying as winter approaches, but as winter is a time when some things are reborn, not to mention Samhain (Halloween in the vernacular) being the Celtic new year, I have always felt rejuvenated in autumn.  It’s also the time when everyone complains about summer being gone and it getting colder, but I love the colors, the harvest and how everyone begins to turn toward each other and their roots during the holiday season.

            It’s like it’s the job of autumn to keep us connected.  We gather as families, usually around food which reminds us of years past, and talk about things which matter, have always mattered to us.  It takes us back to a comfortable place where things are safe, all the people we love are still with us, and everything feels cozy as winter approaches.  But we can’t live in this myth.  The people we love are not all still there, and sometimes this is a time of year meant for dealing with that pain.  

            This was about the time of year when my disastrous first attempt at marriage ended, and though it was painful, it was the beginning of a time of healing and growth as a person.  And about a year later, at about the same time, I moved 300 miles away to start over in a new home, taking not much with me other than the resolve to become who I was supposed to be.  I don’t like stagnation, and as a wise woman once taught me, one must embrace the dark things in life and then put them in their place, not let them control you.  In order to be in balance, the dark has to exist as much as the light does, but it can’t rule you, and neither should you let yourself be afraid of it.  

            This morning, the air was appropriately cool, and the sky looked like it would rain, but that is a good thing.  We need rain, and it is time for people who like the cold to comfort others with thoughts of holidays of plenty and the gathering of like souls.  Somehow, I feel closer to the earth when it is no longer scorching hot, like the sun isn’t going to burn us all away after all (some days I wonder lately).  

            The deer are fatter and the wolf within me hunts again, her coat getting heavy and thick.  I am simply calmer now, going back to my primal roots, perhaps, knowing with a knowledge that is beyond any book I have read that for right now, I am healthy and strong, and that is all that matters.  I can care for my child and myself.  None shall harm me.  Autumn is here.