Another one I'm sharing to introduce myself, and one of the precious things in my life which drives me... this is from about three years ago:
This was my post to
Facebook this afternoon, once I was done crying…
Everyone please keep healing thoughts
and prayers going for our family. My four year old daughter has begun
exhibiting symptoms of the same seizure condition I have. I did not inherit it,
I don't know what causes it, and now my theories have all gone out the window,
because she hasn't been exposed to half the things I had in sixth grade when it
first showed up. According to the AMA, one to two percent of the population is
all that is affected by random seizure conditions and that in two out of three
cases, no physical causes or anomalies could account for them. Please pray for us as we try to find doctors
who can give us some answers so little Becca won't have to deal with this like
I have. She's so much younger than I was when it first hurt me! As a mother, I
am broken in half by this in ways that it NEVER bothered me when it was just
something I dealt with inside of myself. I know how much it hurts, and
though we haven't witnessed her have a seizure, mine always happen at night, so
it would be easy to miss.
I am trying to stay positive and so is
Pat, but for the first time in a long time, I am both angry and scared, and
wondering if this is somehow my fault. No matter what your beliefs and
who your god is, please pray for us, especially Becca. Hopefully, by the
time she's my age, this will all be a distant memory. The other night I was crying and she asked why. I told her I was
scared and she said "but you don't have to be scared, Mama, cause I'm okay
so you can't cry"... such simple logic. She inspires me to fight even
harder.
That being said,
recently I faced the task of sitting down with a four year old and trying to
explain what happens to you when you have a seizure. A neurologist once
told me that the brain, being full of electrical impulses, sometimes overloads
and it’s a bit like a computer in a power surge. Okay...
So I sat down at my
computer with Becca and pulled up the main screen, which has a picture of a cat
on it. I then asked her to shut down the power by turning off the wall
switch, which in that room kills the power bar. The machine fizzled and
was dark and silent. I told her that sometimes the body messes up just
like turning the switch off, and then it has to reboot, just like the
computer. She looked thoughtful as the screen came up blue and the
scattered rows of white numbers whizzed across the screen.
For those of you who
are fortunate to never have gone through it, after a seizure finally leaves you,
your brain is a tangle of images which don’t make sense. For her, she
relates it to a bad dream, and I can attest to the psychedelic nightmares that
can tumble around in your head. As she stared in all seriousness at the
blue screen, she asked why there was no kitty yet. I asked her to
remember when she was confused and couldn’t answer us when we asked her what
was wrong.
It’s scary, she told
me. Of course… and the computer is confused just like that. So the
seizure is like the switch, and then the computer has to reboot. And then
she frowned and looked at the screen again. Then as though it made
perfect sense, she spoke to me in a matter of fact voice: “Oh, yeah. So
that’s when Jesus reboots me? And then I can talk again.”
In the grand scheme of
technical definitions, I think her brain is still fine, because she figured out
exactly what I meant. She was happy to see the kitty again and know the
computer was okay, and I was happy to know that she has such a strong faith at
so young an age. At least now I know that when she is turned inside out
next time, she will be okay. She will be restored to my happy little girl
again.
Right after Jesus
reboots her.
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